Gift or Curse?
Having extra senses, gift or curse?
This is a departure from my usual ramble, I don't know where to start this one really, do you believe we have extra senses or powers? I know that we have, but are they a gift or a curse?
Since I was little, I knew that my great gran, who was a fantastic strong, bright witty, intelligent tough woman had a gift or power, whichever term you want to call it. Nan was told by many psychics that she was a very gifted medium, she didn't court this but had a power nevertheless, she always had a strong sense of being around her I suppose you could call it an aura, but she never tried to expand or look into her powers to her, if things happened, they happened but she never chased after anything, to her it would have been a vanity in a practical world.
As a result of this my mother, aunt, cousin and myself have "senses", in the case of my mother and cousin, they don't need a telephone, and even before it rings or someone knocks at a door they will know who it is and what they are going to say - very handy and saves a fortune on phone bills - I've got better with this over the years, but I am still not quite up to their level. I know that when I think of someone often they ring or pop up - It happened as I was writing this, I was thinking of my daughter and the text went off, I knew it was her (for many this may not be unusual but I have had only rare contact with her over 71/2 years)but without looking I knew who it was from, and I was always totally confident that although we were apart that she was always OK - I won't say it was a belief or wishful thinking, because I knew, even though those around me thought I was weird), and as for my good mate FG very often when I am commenting or reading her blog, up she pops!
However going back to the powers I seem to have along with my aunt inherited (who also is the person that I am most physically like - yup and you guessed it, my cousin is physically like my mum) a power or gift is a little more dark, you see we see the death side of things. It's happened too many times for it to be a coincidence, and I even took to telling people if I saw or knew something so that it wouldn't be put down as coincidence or people wouldn't think I had a screw loose - by that I don't mean I could ever warn people of what was going to happen. I find that it always takes one or two forms :
The first I "see" or know what happens, but not when and to who, this is usually in the form of accidents or something preventable and the other way is that I know who something is going to happen to, but I also know that nothing will stop that happening - such as terminal illness, even it it hasn't been diagnosed.
It led me to believe that what will happen, will happen and what will be, will be, and that part of our fate can't be changed. I think this is sometimes illustrated by people who can fall out of a tall building and live and others that trip up a kerb and die.
The other part of me, the logical part likes to scream out it can't be that simple, that it is all mapped out, and when our time is up however long or short it is up, but my "gift or curse" has always proved it to be otherwise.
It is also weird that we all four of us seem to act as an attraction or beacon for other people with gifts or senses out there, all through my life I have had people come up to me because they said they had to, I must have some sort of psychic neon sign on my head. One of the first to do this introduced himself as a Warlock, he said that he had "seen" I had a power, he explained that we all have something, but we were a little like radios where some people could tune in and others couldn't, he said when I was ready that I should get myself properly trained to tune in. I still have never done this and you will see further downbelow some of the reasons why I haven't so far.
In addition to the warlock, there was someone I used to work with, he had a deck of playing cards and one night said to pick one, I did what he asked, thinking it was a magic trick, he then laid out a number of cards and proceeded to tell me that he had to do a reading, he had been drawn to me, he predicted the birth of my daughter and that I wouldn't remain with my partner, and even that many years later I would have to have two emergency ops, one of which would bring me near to death (he made me choose another card then announced it would be touch and go but that I would get over it), he also said that I wouldn't be rich but be comfortable!! (bugger!!)The man's wife at the time went mad, she knew he had a gift and had begged him for a reading on many occasions, then out of the blue he picked me and until then I knew nothing about it, he wouldn't read for anyone else but said that he had to for me! For the record what he said came true, but I am still working on the rich thing!
Then on another occasion I had a 7th daughter of a 7th daughter walk up to me introduce herself and tell me she was going to "read me", well over the years I may not have got myself properly tuned in but I can block as well as send "oh no you are not", I replied she smiled and tried, but instead of getting through to me, she picked up things from people either side of me, realising this, she said she would "read me" from something else, then promptly looked at my handbag, she described people whose photos I had inside and then described where my ex, my daughter's father lived and at no time did she touch my bag and would have had no way of knowing that, again she told me to get myself trained! (where I wouldn't have had a clue)!
It got to a point when it was happening almost all of the time, and can be a hard thing to live with. One of the clearest for me was when my dad became ill, the Doctors told us he was cured, but I knew they were wrong, I remember saying to them that I knew he had cancer and that it had gone to his brain and asking how long he had to live , I had just celebrated my 17th birthday a couple of days before and I think they thought I was rude and brash, but I just knew I was right, I remember my mum and uncle standing there opened mouthed trying to hush me up. Dad was ill for a short while (about 6 weeks)after that and I looked after him at home, but found it hard to stay in the same room with him, as I knew it would play havoc with my head after, I hope this doesn't sound cruel, but I just knew what I knew.
Then one day when I came home from school - it had taken me over 2 1/2 hours and I was drenched, my mum told me not to go to the hospital that night, almost immediately and within moments of them leaving I knew it was the last night I could have gone to see him, but it was too late and way before mobile phones were invented, so I couldn't call them back to come and get me.
Later on, in the middle of the night the phone rang, dad had gone into a coma, this time with my grandad and mum I insisted I go, as I walked into the ward at 5 a.m. I looked at the clock and knew my dad would be dead by 10 o'clock, although the Doctors were saying he would be in a coma for about a month or so, but I knew, my dad laid there for a number of hours, then took a breath and didn't let it out, as I went to get help I looked at the clock and the minute hand went onto 10 which was when he died. At the same time at home, which was about 10 miles away, my dog went mad, he was running all over the house, howling and jumping up at the windows and doors, so much so that my nan had to wake my brother up, to control him. Gift or curse? I don't know, but that five hours waiting was some of the longest of my life and I never doubted, that what would be, would be and my dad would be dead by 10 a.m.
In saying all of that above there has been occasion where I think my gift saved me and not just physically.
To explain this, I have to say that I have seen things too (no I am not mad,and no I can't explain it, only describe it). One of the first things I saw was a shape or energy ball type thing, it was three things but joined as one, it was glowing a sort of white, with gold/green aura coming off of it, I was so scared at what I was seeing, because I was seeing it, I knew it wasn't evil or out to harm me, but also knew it wasn't meant to be there, I tried to scream but although my mouth was moving, nothing came from my vocal chords, I remember thinking please, please go away I can't deal with this - and it turned and went out the door. I've seen it on more than one occasion and always knew it wasn't evil, but didn't know what to do either.
However to every good there is a bad, one night I suddenly had a vision, I saw myself clearly driving down the road that I took every day to work, as I looked ahead the street lights appeared to go off, I then went to turn and the road ahead went black and my car seemed to go into a sort of limbo with the engine roaring, I then thought "don't be silly get a grip," but as I looked up I then saw a single black hooded figure, I have never seen anything so dark or black, the nearest thing I could describe it as is like being one of the Ringwraiths from Lord of the Rings, but without the ragged clothes this was more like a monk's robe, but nothing but darkness where the face should be, I felt in that moment that I was looking at pure evil and perhaps death.
Terrified unable to move, I said over and over in my head "no it's not my time, this is not right, I then started to receit the Lord's Prayer, I got to the part where it says "deliver us from evil" when this thing turned and glided out of the room. As it did that I saw another vision, I was high up in a church looking down on the altar which was covered with a purple cloth, but above me were stained glass windows but not in the usual bright colours they were gold and beige colours.
The next day I had such a strong urge to go to church, I went to the local church which was shut, and remembered some of my friends attended a church that had a late service, hesitantly I drove there, and walked in, and yes there I was looking at the church I had seen with muted coloured stained glass windows with a high choir pit, which was the place where I had looked down from! I stood at the back, not quite knowing what had brought me there, when I heard the priest say anyone who wants to learn more see me after - the rest for me is history as I found my faith. (I am not going to preach religion on this one, but I believe what I saw was for a reason, and coincidentally I have never, ever, ever driven that exact route since that day, so my gift you could say saved me in both ways). (I also found out that they use the purple altar cloth for funerals) How does this fit in with my faith, again I don't know, maybe one day when the time is right, all will become clear.
It's funny but I never told my aunt of the black figure, however a couple of years later, she said to me how her previous husband had turned to the occult and she always knew when he was back in the country and he would send a single black hooded figure (the description she gave was the same as mine) and it would hover and then glide out of the room (her previous husband had also tried to kill her by setting fire to her house). My aunt like me has many visions and like me never on much that is cheerful, and it was strange how in both cases the figure turned and went, it also seemed to almost hover about 2 ft off the ground.
Through all this I have always felt that my grandfather (his mum was my nan with the powers) is my guardian angel for want of a better word, he has looked out for me and I have felt on some occasions that he was definitely there to protect me, and yes again my aunt was told by one of the pyschic people she had come up to her, that they could see a man by her - and described my grandad who died in 1969) so I think he looks after both of us.
There are loads of other things that have happened, but my blog would become a book if I rattled through them all, I have as the years go by tried to channel the good and positive things, I still see things, and have even felt people pass over, when they have died,- it is if they wait and see if everything is OK with the ones they have left behind before they let go - I have written that - but can't explain it.
I can also see the evil or bad aura around some, and no I don't just mean when someone is horrid or just a pain. Once I made the mistake of letting a friend persuade me to go to a psychics fair, not for myself but because someone she was going with dropped out, it was weird, you could feel that there were fakes in the room, and some genuine, but amongst them there were some that were evil, sitting there looking friendly with smiles on their faces and with brightly coloured stalls to draw people in, but whatever they gave off was pure evil underneath. With my "gift" when something happens or something is present that shouldn't be, the hairs on my body stand on end and that horrible shiver you get when it's not cold but as if someone was walking over your grave runs through your body. I didn't know their motives and wouldn't want to guess, perhaps they were there for the vunerable souls, I pushed my friend well away from them, and guess what when we sat down for her reading the medium picked up things from me again (I must have some sort of antenna!!), so with that I got up and went outside.
For myself I keep away from organised things and events like that, I see enough, maybe I should have tried to tune in more, I don't know what is out there waiting, but I believe that it's more powerful than we can ever imagine, I try and I know I often fail to look for the good and think to the positive but here's hoping truly some of it rubs onto the circle.
Well finished this bit for now bloggies and blogettes, after reading this if you haven't fell asleep, probably think I am mad - perhaps I am, I can't explain what happens I also can't turn it off and on at will, I just know what I know and the jurys still out if it is a gift or curse.
Having read all of this I wasn't sure whether to publish it, but I said I would give you "me" and this is part of the things good or bad that make up me.
I hope your space wherever it is a peaceful and happy one! have a good weekend!
Ciao blogettes xx
This is a departure from my usual ramble, I don't know where to start this one really, do you believe we have extra senses or powers? I know that we have, but are they a gift or a curse?
Since I was little, I knew that my great gran, who was a fantastic strong, bright witty, intelligent tough woman had a gift or power, whichever term you want to call it. Nan was told by many psychics that she was a very gifted medium, she didn't court this but had a power nevertheless, she always had a strong sense of being around her I suppose you could call it an aura, but she never tried to expand or look into her powers to her, if things happened, they happened but she never chased after anything, to her it would have been a vanity in a practical world.
As a result of this my mother, aunt, cousin and myself have "senses", in the case of my mother and cousin, they don't need a telephone, and even before it rings or someone knocks at a door they will know who it is and what they are going to say - very handy and saves a fortune on phone bills - I've got better with this over the years, but I am still not quite up to their level. I know that when I think of someone often they ring or pop up - It happened as I was writing this, I was thinking of my daughter and the text went off, I knew it was her (for many this may not be unusual but I have had only rare contact with her over 71/2 years)but without looking I knew who it was from, and I was always totally confident that although we were apart that she was always OK - I won't say it was a belief or wishful thinking, because I knew, even though those around me thought I was weird), and as for my good mate FG very often when I am commenting or reading her blog, up she pops!
However going back to the powers I seem to have along with my aunt inherited (who also is the person that I am most physically like - yup and you guessed it, my cousin is physically like my mum) a power or gift is a little more dark, you see we see the death side of things. It's happened too many times for it to be a coincidence, and I even took to telling people if I saw or knew something so that it wouldn't be put down as coincidence or people wouldn't think I had a screw loose - by that I don't mean I could ever warn people of what was going to happen. I find that it always takes one or two forms :
The first I "see" or know what happens, but not when and to who, this is usually in the form of accidents or something preventable and the other way is that I know who something is going to happen to, but I also know that nothing will stop that happening - such as terminal illness, even it it hasn't been diagnosed.
It led me to believe that what will happen, will happen and what will be, will be, and that part of our fate can't be changed. I think this is sometimes illustrated by people who can fall out of a tall building and live and others that trip up a kerb and die.
The other part of me, the logical part likes to scream out it can't be that simple, that it is all mapped out, and when our time is up however long or short it is up, but my "gift or curse" has always proved it to be otherwise.
It is also weird that we all four of us seem to act as an attraction or beacon for other people with gifts or senses out there, all through my life I have had people come up to me because they said they had to, I must have some sort of psychic neon sign on my head. One of the first to do this introduced himself as a Warlock, he said that he had "seen" I had a power, he explained that we all have something, but we were a little like radios where some people could tune in and others couldn't, he said when I was ready that I should get myself properly trained to tune in. I still have never done this and you will see further downbelow some of the reasons why I haven't so far.
In addition to the warlock, there was someone I used to work with, he had a deck of playing cards and one night said to pick one, I did what he asked, thinking it was a magic trick, he then laid out a number of cards and proceeded to tell me that he had to do a reading, he had been drawn to me, he predicted the birth of my daughter and that I wouldn't remain with my partner, and even that many years later I would have to have two emergency ops, one of which would bring me near to death (he made me choose another card then announced it would be touch and go but that I would get over it), he also said that I wouldn't be rich but be comfortable!! (bugger!!)The man's wife at the time went mad, she knew he had a gift and had begged him for a reading on many occasions, then out of the blue he picked me and until then I knew nothing about it, he wouldn't read for anyone else but said that he had to for me! For the record what he said came true, but I am still working on the rich thing!
Then on another occasion I had a 7th daughter of a 7th daughter walk up to me introduce herself and tell me she was going to "read me", well over the years I may not have got myself properly tuned in but I can block as well as send "oh no you are not", I replied she smiled and tried, but instead of getting through to me, she picked up things from people either side of me, realising this, she said she would "read me" from something else, then promptly looked at my handbag, she described people whose photos I had inside and then described where my ex, my daughter's father lived and at no time did she touch my bag and would have had no way of knowing that, again she told me to get myself trained! (where I wouldn't have had a clue)!
It got to a point when it was happening almost all of the time, and can be a hard thing to live with. One of the clearest for me was when my dad became ill, the Doctors told us he was cured, but I knew they were wrong, I remember saying to them that I knew he had cancer and that it had gone to his brain and asking how long he had to live , I had just celebrated my 17th birthday a couple of days before and I think they thought I was rude and brash, but I just knew I was right, I remember my mum and uncle standing there opened mouthed trying to hush me up. Dad was ill for a short while (about 6 weeks)after that and I looked after him at home, but found it hard to stay in the same room with him, as I knew it would play havoc with my head after, I hope this doesn't sound cruel, but I just knew what I knew.
Then one day when I came home from school - it had taken me over 2 1/2 hours and I was drenched, my mum told me not to go to the hospital that night, almost immediately and within moments of them leaving I knew it was the last night I could have gone to see him, but it was too late and way before mobile phones were invented, so I couldn't call them back to come and get me.
Later on, in the middle of the night the phone rang, dad had gone into a coma, this time with my grandad and mum I insisted I go, as I walked into the ward at 5 a.m. I looked at the clock and knew my dad would be dead by 10 o'clock, although the Doctors were saying he would be in a coma for about a month or so, but I knew, my dad laid there for a number of hours, then took a breath and didn't let it out, as I went to get help I looked at the clock and the minute hand went onto 10 which was when he died. At the same time at home, which was about 10 miles away, my dog went mad, he was running all over the house, howling and jumping up at the windows and doors, so much so that my nan had to wake my brother up, to control him. Gift or curse? I don't know, but that five hours waiting was some of the longest of my life and I never doubted, that what would be, would be and my dad would be dead by 10 a.m.
In saying all of that above there has been occasion where I think my gift saved me and not just physically.
To explain this, I have to say that I have seen things too (no I am not mad,and no I can't explain it, only describe it). One of the first things I saw was a shape or energy ball type thing, it was three things but joined as one, it was glowing a sort of white, with gold/green aura coming off of it, I was so scared at what I was seeing, because I was seeing it, I knew it wasn't evil or out to harm me, but also knew it wasn't meant to be there, I tried to scream but although my mouth was moving, nothing came from my vocal chords, I remember thinking please, please go away I can't deal with this - and it turned and went out the door. I've seen it on more than one occasion and always knew it wasn't evil, but didn't know what to do either.
However to every good there is a bad, one night I suddenly had a vision, I saw myself clearly driving down the road that I took every day to work, as I looked ahead the street lights appeared to go off, I then went to turn and the road ahead went black and my car seemed to go into a sort of limbo with the engine roaring, I then thought "don't be silly get a grip," but as I looked up I then saw a single black hooded figure, I have never seen anything so dark or black, the nearest thing I could describe it as is like being one of the Ringwraiths from Lord of the Rings, but without the ragged clothes this was more like a monk's robe, but nothing but darkness where the face should be, I felt in that moment that I was looking at pure evil and perhaps death.
Terrified unable to move, I said over and over in my head "no it's not my time, this is not right, I then started to receit the Lord's Prayer, I got to the part where it says "deliver us from evil" when this thing turned and glided out of the room. As it did that I saw another vision, I was high up in a church looking down on the altar which was covered with a purple cloth, but above me were stained glass windows but not in the usual bright colours they were gold and beige colours.
The next day I had such a strong urge to go to church, I went to the local church which was shut, and remembered some of my friends attended a church that had a late service, hesitantly I drove there, and walked in, and yes there I was looking at the church I had seen with muted coloured stained glass windows with a high choir pit, which was the place where I had looked down from! I stood at the back, not quite knowing what had brought me there, when I heard the priest say anyone who wants to learn more see me after - the rest for me is history as I found my faith. (I am not going to preach religion on this one, but I believe what I saw was for a reason, and coincidentally I have never, ever, ever driven that exact route since that day, so my gift you could say saved me in both ways). (I also found out that they use the purple altar cloth for funerals) How does this fit in with my faith, again I don't know, maybe one day when the time is right, all will become clear.
It's funny but I never told my aunt of the black figure, however a couple of years later, she said to me how her previous husband had turned to the occult and she always knew when he was back in the country and he would send a single black hooded figure (the description she gave was the same as mine) and it would hover and then glide out of the room (her previous husband had also tried to kill her by setting fire to her house). My aunt like me has many visions and like me never on much that is cheerful, and it was strange how in both cases the figure turned and went, it also seemed to almost hover about 2 ft off the ground.
Through all this I have always felt that my grandfather (his mum was my nan with the powers) is my guardian angel for want of a better word, he has looked out for me and I have felt on some occasions that he was definitely there to protect me, and yes again my aunt was told by one of the pyschic people she had come up to her, that they could see a man by her - and described my grandad who died in 1969) so I think he looks after both of us.
There are loads of other things that have happened, but my blog would become a book if I rattled through them all, I have as the years go by tried to channel the good and positive things, I still see things, and have even felt people pass over, when they have died,- it is if they wait and see if everything is OK with the ones they have left behind before they let go - I have written that - but can't explain it.
I can also see the evil or bad aura around some, and no I don't just mean when someone is horrid or just a pain. Once I made the mistake of letting a friend persuade me to go to a psychics fair, not for myself but because someone she was going with dropped out, it was weird, you could feel that there were fakes in the room, and some genuine, but amongst them there were some that were evil, sitting there looking friendly with smiles on their faces and with brightly coloured stalls to draw people in, but whatever they gave off was pure evil underneath. With my "gift" when something happens or something is present that shouldn't be, the hairs on my body stand on end and that horrible shiver you get when it's not cold but as if someone was walking over your grave runs through your body. I didn't know their motives and wouldn't want to guess, perhaps they were there for the vunerable souls, I pushed my friend well away from them, and guess what when we sat down for her reading the medium picked up things from me again (I must have some sort of antenna!!), so with that I got up and went outside.
For myself I keep away from organised things and events like that, I see enough, maybe I should have tried to tune in more, I don't know what is out there waiting, but I believe that it's more powerful than we can ever imagine, I try and I know I often fail to look for the good and think to the positive but here's hoping truly some of it rubs onto the circle.
Well finished this bit for now bloggies and blogettes, after reading this if you haven't fell asleep, probably think I am mad - perhaps I am, I can't explain what happens I also can't turn it off and on at will, I just know what I know and the jurys still out if it is a gift or curse.
Having read all of this I wasn't sure whether to publish it, but I said I would give you "me" and this is part of the things good or bad that make up me.
I hope your space wherever it is a peaceful and happy one! have a good weekend!
Ciao blogettes xx
posted by Leolady at
7:03 PM
2 Comments:
Hi ya, thanks for the comments as usual but I still am more of a rambler than writer!!, I can do other things with relation to my "gift" but the darker side always held the balance, perhaps when I move out of the space I've been in it will change!
I know these things can't be used to give an advantage but it would have been handy if it would give me the 6 winning numbers one week, and then I would bring everyone in the circle out there for a blast Venetian style!!
Hope the ankles are OK, and don't work too hard!!
baci D xxxx
PS lost another 2lb (2st 6lb) now only all the rest to go!! I want to get up to at least 3st before I come over - luckily its too hot to eat some days it's been 37 degrees over here so just drinking loads of water! after all I have to make room for the ice-cream and pizza haven't I!!
By
Leolady, at 10:17 AM
Ah bless both of you, and it's funny if you think of it, if my grandparents hadn't sold their house to Aunty Nelly's parents, although the both of us would have met at Hornsey, the Italian connection might never have happened! see everything is for a reason, we just don't have a blueprint of the master plan!!
mindseye hope your issues get sorted, I know they will, remember think bulb!! I know you have a very good aura about you and one day all will come good.
Now I'm off to think of those 6 numbers or 7 for the euro one and if they come up I promise we are all off to celebrate with lots of pizza, grappa and of course ice-cream!!
love and hugs to you both - D
By
Leolady, at 6:30 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home